Tiga; 春 - spring

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

I always wonder how the spring season feels like. You know, like having those flowers on your garden bloomed beautifully, daisies everywhere, cherry blossom's petals scattering on the road -- ah, those feels. I really wanted to enjoy it since forever. If only Malaysia has four season. Hm, it would be weird as hell lol. Only in the anime I would saw spring season hahahaha DAMN! I WANTED TO GO TO JAPAN SO BAD ! >o<

So it's the end of April already and May is coming this Friday. May is going to be a very busy month since I'm going to prepare for mid-term exam. Ugh. Yeah, school sucks. Half of everyone in my class and other class are already resigning their responsibility as student of SMANTPHR a.k.a berhenti sekolah. Huh, I admit it I was jealous seeing they are free from the school already OTL. I wanted to resign but my mom would kick me out of the house if I did ="= she's more scarier than a lion tbh. Despite that, I'm waiting for the UPU result to come out and tbh, I AM NERVOUS. There's too many 'what ifs' in my head right now and I just couldn't think properly. It even disturbing my own private cycle (no need to ask what that mean pls) ugh. I don't know. . .I'm becoming more nervous than waiting for SPM result a month ago. The thing is happening again -- STRESS. 

The reason why I wanted to quit school early was because I can't hold on for the dear life anymore. The STAM subjects made it even worse ="= I don't think I can survive another six months ahead if I did pursue STAM eventually. I don't know, I just feel kinda happen like that. I'm not even confident myself and I don't want to give such a high hope in everything. I'm afraid it would turned out disappointing, just like what happened to a certain someone I know. She's a good friend of mine and she have been putting a high hope on everything but eventually, the result was disappointing. I don't want to be like that, neither did she wanted it turned out like that. Hm, as far as I could do now is praying to Allah for everything to ease. I really wish to get into a good university so I can get a proper education. 

Like in my previous post, I'm not ready to be a college student but should I hold on for dear life on everything? If I never try anything, I won't be able to experience everything. I'm 18 years old for goodness sake and I'm still scared to socialite with people. It's a honest and hurtful truth of me. I don't get along with people well because I'm afraid I would be an annoying piece of shit to them. See? Huh, that was a very negative of me saying those things.To be really, really honest, I wanted to a be carefree person who gets along well with everyone. Hm, maybe not very social because. . .well, batas agama kan? Just getting along with the girls are more than okay to me. I'm not very well in handling guys. . .

Well, that's all for this post. I wish I can type more but I don't have anything particularly to say right now. I posted this out of boredom and I feel just I like to post something today. Very well then. 

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